Scott, Jeff, Conversations
Scott: apparently, according to Lana "Your face is Geo-Locked"Scott: Also, you smell
Scott: she didn't say that
Scott: but I inferred it from her voice
Scott: Ah, it's cabbage
Scott: that's what you smell like
Scott: in accordance to Lana
Scott: Corn beef too
Scott: You're St. Patricks Day Dinner
Jeff: yey, im so festive
Scott: too bad that's in march...
Jeff: im a timetraveling supper... lay off
Lana, Scott, Conversations
Scott: So my mom's a member of this wine club... but I don't think she can taste the wine.Lana: Why, is she dead?
Yoshi, Scott, Conversations
Scott: Isn't it always crab season?Yoshi: Yeah, in your pants!
Scott: Oh, burn!
Yoshi: No, more pinch...
Scott: Oh yeah, that's gonorrhea.
Lana
Thank you! Now put on a diaper and announce my presence.Conversations, Lana, Scott
Scott: You know what I'm sick of?Lana: People who claim that they are real cowboys when they are not?
Scott: No. Under what circumstances would I encounter someone claiming to be a cowboy when they're not?
Lana: Nevada.
Scott: Do I live in Nevada?
Mandy
Who wouldn't want a hand-job from Lando?Lana
Vicodin makes me play Animal Crossing.Conversations, Lana, Scott
Lana: my tummy hurtsssssLana: maybe I'm stressed
Scott: yes
Scott: it's stress
Lana: sigh
Scott: or the herp
Lana: oh crap
Lana: I did get a flair up
Lana: flare
Scott: haha
Scott: flair up
Scott: like from fridays?
Lana: the hems
Lana: the roids from fridays
Lana: I'm not making any sense
Lana: ROIDS!
Lana: I wanna eat roids!
Lana: The roids of pigs!
Lana: rwaaaar!
Scott: what...
Scott: the...
Scott: DEVIL!
Lana: HAHAHAHAH
Lana: I WANT TO EAT THE DEVILS ROIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Scott: Good god woman
Scott: that is a fetish I want to know nothing about
Lana: yeah you dooooo
Lana: admit it
Lana: you sick-o
Scott: ok
Scott: fine
Scott: I have a few websites devoted to the mastication of deity's rectums.
Lana: really?
Lana: am i on any of them?
Scott: all of them
Lana: NICE!
Lana: am i like the masticating colon girl of 2008?
Lana: do i get a fancy hat?
Lana: a calender spread maybe?
Scott: Both
Scott: although I only have enough anuses for january
Lana: snaps
Lana: the shortage
Lana: I forgot
Lana: damn you oil prices!!!
Scott: no
Scott: it's just I could only find Jesus's
Scott: God and Satan's were hard to track down
Lana: those bastards
Scott: and I'm currently embroiled in a heated bidding war on ebay.
Lana: I'll donate my Miss Masticating Colon prize money
Lana: to the cause of course
Lana: I need Satan's anus!
Lana: haha what the hell is wrong with us
Lana: I mean seriously
Lana: we're in our 20's for godsakes
Lana: for god'sanus hahah
Lana: DAMNIT
Lana: there I go again
Scott: Haha
Scott: I don't think there's anything wrong with us
Lana
Communism gives me gas.Conversations, Lana, Scott
Scott: God I'm a genius. Honestly, it actually hurts being with people who are less intelligent than me.Lana: I hate you.
Scott: Right...
Lana: Man, we are on fire like hemorrhoids tonight.
Conversations, Lana, Scott
Scott: Only robots don't find me funny.Lana: What? Child molesters?
Scott: Let's analyze this conversation shall we?
Lana: *fart noise*
Scott: I say "Only robots don't find me funny" to which you reply "What? Child molesters" then I offer you the chance to analyze the conversation to which your response is a fart noise.
Lana: Are you writing this down?
Lana
If my eyebrows were raisins would they grow back if I ate them?Scott
Up is not a letter in any language!Henry
I don't date my mayonnaise!Lana
Where did she go? Tommy Two Tone's Pregnancy Barn?Conversations, Lana, Scott
Lana: yellow pooScott: Acorn Squash.
Lana: Corny Collins Poo Mash
Scott: Ass Burgers and Shakes
Lana: didy poot squishy pants
Scott: Trouser Trumpetting with Farty friends
Lana: Lonely little poo pellets
Scott: Happy dancing brown danglers
Lana: Poonanie puddle jumping anal dwarves!
Scott: Fecal Fanny Fountains
Scott: Anal alliteration are always awesome
Lana: Pooey Pulsing Poo Pots
Scott: bubbling butt bags
Lana: Boiling Baby Balloon Butt Bubbles
Scott: squishy stuff streaming steadily
Lana: dangerously dangling doo doo darts
Scott: doughy doo doo dumping dark dagnuts
Lana: slappy squirty shower shits
Scott: wet wipes won't work well with what whorish waste we wraught
Scott: fecal fracas forcing financial fecundity for feral felines
Lana: Handsomely hairy hoo hoo hot holey hotdogs
Scott: Gross gobs gaining girth
Lana: Pundit pork pots pooping poundly
Scott: innocent intestines incessantly increase inside impeding ideas in india
Scott: constipated cows can cause corn cob careening. Caution: cool cows
Scott: rectal rotundness returns reliable refuse
Scott: Anal badness can do enough fecal grossness. Have I just killed Lana's mind? No. Or perhaps questions require something truly universally versatile when x-raying young zebras.
Lana: I think I just killed myeslf
Scott: Chromosomally challeneges children cause callous comments.
Scott
Foxes in pudding are more ridiculous than my life.Conversations, Lana, Scott
Lana: Next question...Scott: Ok, What do you feel about rice?
Lana: I hate children.
Lana
More sense than caramel titties.Scott
It's not romantic, it's gross. I wouldn't have sex with a poo beast.Scott
The person to the left of you is making fart noises with their face, and your response is "That turkey has a fucked up neck!".Lana
Screw you Blue Douche, I want to punch you in your face and then oil your grams!Lana
Oh my god it's Help Rape!Scott
You never can tell with old people, one day it's sarcasm, the next... Alzheimer's.Conversations, Mandy, Scott
Mandy: Are these puzzle pieces organized?Scott: Organizing puzzle pieces is like euthenising babies... who has the time?
Mom
I wonder if any of these words are horses.Conversations, Scott, Yoshi
(While playing Tomb Raider and wearing a fancy dress while shooting people with a shotgun)Scott: Who else wants to dance?
Yoshi: It takes two to tango..
Scott (After taking out the last guy): ...and I've only got one...
Conversations, Yoshi, Dan
Yoshi: Moxie's a hurricane rescue dog.Dan: She rescues hurricanes?
Rustin
It's like eating heartburn!Scott
My ass erodes cushions.Scott
I was peeling my hat and eating it.Mandy
No that's an anus. I can tell by the taste.Conversations, Mandy, Scott
Upon seeing a store called "A Childs Dream"Mandy: Hey look, it's a childs dream.
Scott: Lets crush it!
Scott
Duck horns are a part of foreplay.Conversations, Mandy, Scott
Scott: I hate it when Dan has sex with my girlfriend.Mandy: What?
Scott (louder): What?!
Conversations, Scott, Yoshi
Yoshi: I think that Terry's are just awesome.Scott: Terry Pratchett, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones...
Yoshi: Dysentary?
Yoshi
My hairbrush smells like caulkConversations, Mandy, Scott
Scott: Oh yeah, I can take off both my shoes at the same time!Mandy: Wow! You know all the lines.
Scott
While Spot is staring through a reflective glass door at us in the other room, and wanting to be let in(In Spot's voice)
Guys, you don't understand! There's another dog in there!
Mandy
Is there a seal in there... oh no, it's the armadillo...Jeffrey
Juice squeeze is freshly squozen.Jeffrey
Schmackitdupon da goose?!Rustin
It sounds like a clockwork dog having a seizure!Rustin
Awww I DREW on myself. DAMNIT! (click for soundclip)Dan
Dan picks up my cell phone and hands it to Mandy, then he whispersMandy, shove this up your butt and I'll call it.
Brandon
Oh, so now I'm chunky?Rustin
Chief nacho, we meet again...Robert
While playing "Find the Idol" in Wario Ware
Fuck, I found Tony Danza...
Mandy
Get away from me you unfabulous cup!Cookie
Damnit gadget-pants, you're standing in front of the glow box!Conversations, Mr. Brackett, Colin
Mr. Brackett : Ladies...Colin : No ladies here, grandma
Mr. Brackett : Good comeback...
Conversations, Elk, Jeremy
(in AIM conversation)Elk: And so, the pencil smote the bubble, and the final was defeated.
Jeremy: he he
Jeremy: do I want to know?
Elk: I think smote is going on my favorite words list. Any word implying a form of destruction that sounds like a breakfast cereal is ok in my book. "Smotes! Filled with oat-y goodness."
Conversations, Rustin, Jeremy
Rustin : You know, you should really listen to the first part of sentencesJeremy : Why?
Rustin : Because they usually contain the subject
Jeremy : But I'm only interested in the predicate nominative and verb.
Rustin : OK ... Fuck you!
Conversations, Neil, Scott
(in AIM chat)Neil: Hold on...
Scott: To what? Am I going to fall?
Neil: Yes, into a vat of jello.
Scott: I don't want to fall ::Slips...:: *SPLOOCH*
Conversations, Rustin, Scott
Rustin : I think it's something that you put in your nose, I thinkScott : Usually things you put in your nose don't come in paste form
Conversations, Jeremy, Scott
Jeremy : Whoa, Dude, blink again.Scott : Why?
Jeremy : Because you just blinked sideways.
Scott : Oh ::I laugh sarcastically and run away::
Conversations, Jeremy, Scott
Jeremy : Rustin I've done something incredibly insane, and ...Scott interrupting: I've named it after you
Conversations, Jeremy, Scott
I'm spinning around in circles when Jeremy sees me and asks..Jeremy : What are you doing?
Scott : I'm trying to reach terminal velocity
Jeremy : But that only happens when you ...
::I fall down::
Jeremy : ... Fall
Conversations, Jeremy, Scott
Jeremy : Why do you think they named it Graham Crackers?Scott : Because the guy who invented it was named "Graham"
Jeremy : No, I think it's because they only weight a gram
Scott : Jeremy... No... That's like calling it "Pound Cake"
Conversations, Mandy, Scott
Scott : My nose is drippy...Mandy : Then take a shower!
Conversations, Jeremy, Scott, Jeff, Dan
Jeremy : What does gesticulate mean?Scott : I think it means to Gesture..
Jeremy : Ah, right, to gesture.
Jeff : Gesticular cancer..
Jeremy : Heh, it's a cancer you get from waving too much.
Dan : No, It's a gesture that spreads like wild fire.
Scott : Like yawning... Yawning is a gesticular cancer.
Conversations, Chad, Scott
Chad : If fishes were wishes we'd be knee deep in crapScott : Carp...
Chad : Yeah, that too...
Conversations, Mandy, Scott
Scott : Hello, my name is Dr. Scott, I'm here to wear leggings and check for cancer.Mandy : Check for butt cancer?
Joe
When did George Washington become a woman?Mom
Are you going to sleep with that pie in your pants?Mr. Dick
... Not to be confused with sayonara which is Japanese for goodbye, but cyanide is goodbye in any languageJeff
(after eating a pound of peanuts) Mfff wrr fuumppleCrazy Joe
Hey, he just stole my ethnic peanutsMack
Scott, you're someone like Jesus... Jesus with a penCameron
I underestimated the power of the sandwichShira
Ducks don't grow when you plant themTyler
There must be something natural that can blow up ChinaDustin
He looks like he came from where he came fromCookie
Stop throwing meat at me!Sean
Scott... I'm hearing voices in your headColin
I hope you're not stealing Christmas too!Colin
I like to be naked, too bad the rest of the world doesn'tColin
Ok, so I was having this dream that I was fishing and every time I walked by water this fish would jump out and bite my hand. It was haunting me. And so I turn into a Jedi and I had a lightsaber but it was actually a block of wood and then I killed the wish and it was scary. I gotta stop watching Bass Masters and Star Wars before I got to sleep. Bass masters is the only show that gives me nightmaresDan
PEEP! (After scooting his chair over to behind mine, staring intently at this penguin game on my screen for a few minutes and then speaking this as loudly as possible when I confront him)Dan
You usually don't eat passwordsDan
I emit doomDan
Hey, a white tuxedo, that's a good idea... do you want ketchup with that?Dan
Refreshingly ObtuseDan
There's a circus over there! ... ok, maybe not. It's just a bunch of sticks with red things on themDan
Look... I have doom and it's in a cute little bun too. Oh blast I've dripped doom into my crotch. (talking about his "pork" sandwich)Dan
It's an American bald eagle... oh no wait, it's a turkey... wait... turkeys don't fly that high... or at allDan
That's quite solid for gummy snacksRustin
I certainly hope that was breadRustin
Lazy does not even begin to fathom what you are right nowRustin
An Italian spaceship?!?Rustin
The following comments are made by Rustin while watching Metropolis and I have described the actions as best possible*Mad Scientist flicks a switch and vials begin to bubble*
"He's making daiquiris..."
*The aforementioned vials begin to glow an enticing purple*
"Oooh! Super daiquiris!"
*The Mad Scientist pulls another lever which causes a pot to start boiling*
"Start warming the syrup!"
*The Mad Scientist looks menacingly into the camera from over the table*
"And now for the toast!"
*The Mad Scientist pushes a final switch and another vial bubbles*
"Wow, this guy is a serious breakfast nut"
Rustin
Convenient hole...Rustin
The world's about to end and he's having a disco in his office!?Rustin
Yay! The streets are flooded with apple juice! Yay! Jimmy, you have apple juice to feast upon!Rustin
Flooded... Flooded with what?! Apple juice...? Oh please say apple juice!Rustin
She seems fascinated by the idea that she has shouldersMandy
You crude little penguin get out of my houseMandy
Never underestimate a cow (for no apparent reason)Mandy
... Only in my language... which I can only communicate in and not understandMandy
So this guy walks into a grocery store and says "Hey where's the ketchup?!" (quoting the fabled "Mike")Mandy
So this grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, you know we have a drink named after you." And the grasshopper replies "You have a drink named Steve?"Mandy
Quarters later! Cheese now!Mandy
Mommy, There were strawberries and I ate one. Aren't you happy?!Mandy
You know... you can redeem Milky Ways for sex at your local Mandy.Scott
Quit moving and DIEScott
You get paid in ham?!?Scott
Time travel chafes meScott
Look! It's the flying Greek alphabetScott
*POP* Ohhh, Now I have peanut butter in my earScott
Where'd they get the elephant?Scott
I'm like a sponge with this stuff... except I have more holes and I don't... erm.... what's the word... oh yeah... retain stuffScott
You know, with the sun behind you like that you don't look anything like JesusScott
Doctors were baffled... you should be tooScott
Monkeys... I mean Robots don't have gods (To fully contemplate how funny this was imagine the hardest you have ever laughed, now multiply that by five and have Chad do it five times, each time exponentially funnier than the last. This resulted in the entire house having tears in their eyes)Scott
Well I will ask him, but he might have been deadScott
I wonder how many rodents died on my birthday...Scott
Why is that baby... stapled... to a tree?Scott
I'd kill two birds with one stone, then take their feathersScott
The evil has vacated my craniumScott
We paid like 35¢ and got like... ::waves hand in dramatic lowering fashion:: ... Monks!Scott
If your dad was Black and a Hermaphrodite...Scott
Why do my armpits keep rippingScott
Drat... I always eat dead birds for their sugarScott
Damn my shortness is it raining?Scott
If it weren't for the banana oozing from either end I'd say yes...Scott
Just an adjective works so well with a noun...Scott
Look at me breathe bloodScott
No!! My putty cube!! (Said upon the theft of the silly putty I was holding)Scott
Just to spite you I'm going to wake up Saturday morning, on MondayScott
In order to evade you effectively I shall heave myself into various walls, so that I will not be captured by you, and only incapacitated by your hand placed over my mouth... (Said while talking about a silent movie)Scott
What's thirteen minus ThursdayScott
Oh yeah! I bet you've never nailed jello to a tree... Nuh-uh! You have never melted jello to a cave... I mean nailed jello to a tree...Scott
I thought that was a deer... but deer don't have wings, or fly for that matter.. OH MY GOD IT'S GOING TO HIT THE WINDOW!!!Scott
I grew up in a box... I was supposed to be veil, but it turns out that I wasn't a cow...Scott
In AIM chatScottSpork: I'm far too logical
ScottSpork: did I just say that?
ScottSpork: ::has lobotomy::
ScottSpork: GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!!


